by Bargis Tryhol on 29/04/15 at 7:40 am
Baltimore, MD – (satireworld.com)
Faced with another violent night of mob rule in Maryland’s largest city, Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake (D-MD) has officially asked North Korean leader Kim Jong Un to send a full division of crack PRNK troops to restore order in several cities. Cited as a cheaper way to advance the rule of law, outsourcing of troops is a controversial action that has many Baltimore residents worried.
Recent acts of hooliganism and random violence have stymied local police forces in quelling the riot that have brought Baltimore to its knees and paralyzed business, tourism, and commerce. Rawlings-Blake said in a morning press conference that “the North Korean Army will use whatever force necessary to restore civility.”
Recent cut backs in city spending, an acute shortage of simple police manpower and training goods, and a lack of Democratic resolve in using force, has forced the mayor to outsource policing requirements to the Koreans. In exchange, the Mayor’s office is prepared to cede Chesapeake Bay crabbing and fishing rights to the North Koreans, and will pay upwards of $1 billion dollars in licensing fees and transportation costs. Plus, almost 100 cases of French cognac and several new Mercedes-Benz limos. Rumors have swirled that a dinner with the Mayor, Dennis Rodman, and North Korea’s ‘Dear Leader’ have been thrown in to sweeten the deal.
Self proclaimed Baltimore anarchists pledge to fight to the end, or at least until all plasma TVs are looted from stores.
Baltimore residents are being reminded to remove all dogs and cats from the street and to leave a friendly bowl of sticky rice and cup of tea outside their door for the visiting troops.