by Bargis Tryhol on 04/05/14 at 5:24 pm
Disney imagineers plan on a ten mile roller coaster, the world’s longest and wildest, that will take guests over and under the park’s main waterfall.
Yosemite Park – (SatireWorld.com)
President Obama issued an executive order today, clinching a potentially profitable deal where popular national parks partner with successful private business ventures. Touted as a landmark in of itself, the deal will provide the US treasury with sorely needed funds and provide needed jobs in a slowly recovering economy.
Championed by Senate Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), the deal is expected to save taxpayers upwards of $2 billion dollars over the next 134 years. “We plan to cut expensive salaries of park rangers and utilize minimum wage employess to police the grounds and guide the expected 17 million annual visitors,” sais Reid as he introduced the sprawling plan to supporters. Reid added, “the Koch brothers will be banned!”
The plan follows closely other approved joint projects with other popular national parks including an approved 10,000 solar panel farm at Gettysburg National Battlefield, a Legoland Park at Bedsloe Island, home of the State of Liberty, a 300 lane bowling complex located on the National Mall in Washington, and a joint Chinese-Grand Canyon River Friendship tour using re-furbished grain barges. So far, the most controversial proposed project that has riled political pundits seems to be the proposed $1 billion dollar ‘Obamaland Memorial Project’ slated for construction outside Nairobi, Kenya where an exact duplicate of Mount Rushmore is scheduled to be built which will include four faces of President Obama and wife Michelle carved into a natural brown-toned mountainside.
According to Disney officials, who expressed concerns over guest- wildlife confrontations, the plan is to replace all wildlife in the park with inter-reactive animatronic replicas including talking grizzly bears, joke-playing otters, bison that dance in a nightly Wildlife Jamboree, and Elk that sing ‘America the Beautiful.’ Existing wildlife, that officials tout as ‘quite bothersome,’ will be humaneley harvested by professional hunters and recycled as gourmet food for the guests. According to Disney Head Chef Lars Fritz, “We plan to sell Buffalo burgers, otter chili, Bear fritters, and Elk stew at various concession stands through out the park. Yes, a real taste of America!”
Hailed as a wise use of stimulus monies, the Administration has loaned Disney the estimated $117 billion dollars at low interest rates to construct 11 low-budget hotels, a water park near ‘Old Faithful,’ a series of tram systems that will give access to over-weight citizens to all areas of the park, and as many as 27 fast food restaurants that will serve upwards of an estimated 175,000 visitors per day.
The park expansion is estimated to provide job opportunities to almost 2,500 future employees.
Several highlights of the proposed plan include a ten-mile long roller coaster that will travel over/under Yosemite Falls, a Little Big Horn inter-active battle field where guests fire laser rifles at actors dressed as indians, Cinderella’s Castle Hotel, and a daily eruption of a genuine volcano complete with flaming lava, pyroclastic flows, and dramatically enhanced giant falling rocks. Repoprtedly, serious talks are underway with the Democratic Peoples Republic of North Korea to stage a replica of the Chosin Reservior battle and follow-up parade where almost 5,000 North Korean soldiers will precision march in full military regalia in front of a reviewing stand where visitors can don costumes and take the role of ‘Dear Leader’. Complete project details are yet to emerge, but designers say a full project report is forthcoming.
The expected grand re-opening of the park is expected sometime in June 2016. Construction on an interstate ramp and connecting 10 lane thruway has already started and should be completed at the same time as the new 90,000 car park and bus depot replacing the current rustic campground located at Tamarack Flats. Disney engineers have confirmed that permits have been submitted to the FAA which will include the sprawling Harry Reid international airport located on park grounds.
Disney will also be introducing a landmark of its own with the construction of another Cinderella’s Castle located at the famous Bridal Veil Creek. The castle will include a restaurant, gift shop, and a direct monorail connection to Penquin Park which will be built at Glacier Point sometime in 2019.
Prospective guests interested in making opening day reservations are urged to call 1-800-DisneyFun
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